i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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