oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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