My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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