Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
