his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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