I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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