I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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