please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
