I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
