Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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