I think I am morally bankrupt
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
