i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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