just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
