I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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