I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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