I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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