Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
