If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
