from now on my penis is your penis
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
