I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
