i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
