dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will be naked everywhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
