I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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