none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
