i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
