I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
