So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I look better un-naked...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
