no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
