ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i came on her dog
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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