Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
