the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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