I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
