I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
