I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
