Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
