I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
