Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
