she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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