Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
