Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
