Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
