she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
