A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
