i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
