If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
