What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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