is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
