We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
