Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
