Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
