I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
