I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
