I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
