Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this boner is exhausting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
